smoking-goff:

Eros
a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love

Ludus
a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest; may have multiple partners at once

Storge
an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity

Pragma 
love that is driven by the head, not the heart

Mania
obsessive love; experience great emotional highs and lows; very possessive and often jealous lovers

Agape
selfless altruistic love; spiritual;

(Source: Wikipedia)

people think that i’m a different breed of person because i don’t succumb to the social trend of fearing opinion or judgement. i welcome your criticism. i don’t care about everything. but what is funny is that the few things i care about… you wouldn’t expect. 

i have a lot of respect for the US Marines but i don’t want to be treated like a dog.

i intend on joining the US Air Force by the end of my temp job. I really do believe that the discipline that i will gain from boot camp would be severely beneficial to my work ethic. 

i wonder if i’ll be treated different because i’m a woman. either way, my personality doesn’t regard inflated egos as an obstacle. 

i’ll write this here because i don’t think people read this:

i think i found him. who knows. either way, i’m going to Germany in a few months to visit him. i feel so dead inside from the events i’ve subjected myself to but now i feel that i have a more refined perspective on this kind of stuff. it’s really hard do explain. 

if not then it’s just another douche to add to the pile of my past. i believe that my social attraction changes as i change. as i mature and treat myself better, i’ll attract better people. each new chapter of my life just keeps improving by comparison to the last. 

who would have known that realizing my self worth would lead to such amazing experiences. 

for now however, i’m focusing on school, languages, working out and planning my next 5 years.

possible routes,

1. move to seattle

2. move to germany

3. join airforce 

or a combination of those.

i almost rubbed off my pinky toenail last night at ddr. ick

i wake up at 5am in brea, get ready and leave the house at 6:30am. I then arrive in downtown long beach by 8am and then enjoy my day at work until 5pm. i then go to school from 6:30pm in long beach until 10:00pm and then i drive back to brea…

if i went to sleep as soon as i got home, i’d still only get like 5 hours of sleep per night. this is why i can’t do my homework after work. 1.5 -2hr drive is such a pain. morning traffic sucks a big donkey boner with teeth.

i’ve been looking for a place to rent in dtlb but i don’t want to live with jackoff kids and i don’t want to pay a grand per month for my own studio.

i spend about 450.00 in gas per month alone averaging about 85 miles driven purely for necessity. i wish i knew people in LB who were responsible enough to be my room mate…

*looks up* ehhh, a minor adjustment would have prevented me from writing this. wewt.

last weekend i cut my own hair. i missed a few tiny hairs but when i find them i just snip them off. my bangs are already growing back. *snips*

the cute guy at work comes up with “reasons” to be around me when i’m doing the afternoon duties around the office. i wish i had time to spend with him but i barely have time to wipe my own ass. i need sleep… fuckit i’m taking a nap… after a little homework.

haaaaaaaa, 3 classes and a fulltime job are such a strain on my perception of time.

after reading my livejournal, aim chats, facebook, tumblr, twitter and my personal journals about love… i’ve stood aside from myself and tried to judge who wrote that and what was happening in her head or more so, what was happening in her heart?

she fears that which she has allowed to enter her life on her pathetic terms. she did not realize her value. she victimized herself and rolled out the red carpet for many to do the same. 

now she is me and i am different. i am strongest when i am alone. i am lonely but i prefer it over many things. if i can have myself then i am happy. i don’t want to live up to someone else’s expectations even if they’re little… they’re big to me. 

i fear loving someone because i fear that i will continue to waste my years with someone who doesn’t deserve me. someone who’ll fool me into being their property and guilt me when i am myself. someone so insecure and codependent upon me that they’d threaten suicide and overdose on hard drugs to get my attention. i am not a cold heartless bitch. i’ve expressed so much patience for people in my time… but when i’m in a time of need and suffering none of these people are there for me. i don’t subject myself to them as they did me.

they don’t come to aid me as i did them. and now they slander me and defame my character because i stopped serving their selfish addiction of attention and their misconceptions of love. i am not a tool. i am a human with a brain and i have my own life with my own path and desires. so i fear commitment? no, i fear being stuck or stalked by an idiot who thought my coattails were big enough for him. i don’t have time to waste on effort in the emotional department. it’s extremely draining because i am extremely passionate about what i love. right now, i am passionately loving myself and no one is allowed between myself and i. 

neato

If you gain pleasure from kicking people while they’re down, prepare to receive twice as much displeasure once they get back up.